I just couldn't relate. The frugal books I was reading were written by folks that felt really uncomfortable when their checking account balance dropped down near $1000. They told of their awful spendthrift days when a mere 3% of their income went to their 401K's and they were mortified to admit they spent $400 a month on groceries. The worst admission was some had even stooped so low as to pay with plastic, but even then they always paid the balance at the end of the month.

This was NOT me. I was thrilled if my checking account reached the dazzling heights of $1000 (which happened once a month..roughly 13 seconds before it was withdrawn by our mortgage lender). We spent $600 a month to feed a family of four, with a sizable chunk being handed directly to a big red clown. Credit card debt was eating us alive and as for an employer sponsored savings program, our monthly contribution was..well..401-Zip-Nada-Nothing.

I searched desperately for a success story from a family like mine. I wanted hope and, more importantly, I wanted to know HOW THEY DID IT! I never found that family on a bookshelf, so I decided we'd BE that family, and I'd write the story myself. Thus the birth of The Thrifty Mamma. The following is the written account of our beginning, but this web site and the newsletter is where you'll find our present and our future. If you are reading this from a desperate and seemingly hopeless situation, feel free to drop me a note anytime if you need some encouragement or a cyber hug. I can't share some of our lowest moments because I know our families will read this and I don't want them to be ashamed, or worse yet, feel responsible for our poor choices. Suffice it to say, if you're feeling like you've hit rock bottom, please believe I've "been there, done that". I sincerely hope that you will find inspiration here.

And on a slightly spiritual note, I do believe we will be provided for as long as we keep our priorities straight and put our natural talents to good use. Sometimes we try to control too much.

I wish you and your family the best in your thrifty journey!

Sincerely,
Stephanie Miles
The Thrifty Mamma

Note: The Thrifty Mamma is now published by the equally thrifty Barbara Sammons!

Step 1. Admit That You Have A Problem

"Hello, my name is Stephanie and I chronically overspend." It all started when I was greeted at Freshman Orientation by a smiling well-dressed representative from the Visa corporation. She congratulated me on admission to the University, welcomed me to adulthood, and granted me my very own generous line of credit (to be used for emergencies, of course). What better gift could be given to such a responsible, intelligent, young woman entering the world? Money ceased to have value as I had found a seemingly endless supply.

**Please Note** Here I digress from traditional 12 Step programs. This is not because I've found a better system, but simply because I don't know the next 11 Steps.

Step 2. Seek Help

Once I realized I'd developed some really bad spending habits (with somewhere in the neighborhood of $3000 in credit card debt), I went into full fledged denial and it was financial business as usual. Heck, everyone was doing it!

Half a decade later, I found myself suffering the consequences of my poor planning. My husband and I were both working full time (neither of us particularly fulfilled by our careers), my one year old was in daycare 40 hours a week and I was 4 months pregnant with my second son. One Sunday night, I broke into tears dreading another Monday, another insanely exhausting frustrating week. I logged onto the Internet and searched Amazon.com for books about living on one income. I ordered "You Can Afford to Stay Home With Your Kids", by Malia McCawley Wyckoff and Mary Snyder and "The Complete Tightwad Gazette," by Amy Dacyczyn. After reading both cover to cover, I was convinced of three things. One, I could NOT afford to stay home with my kids. Two, if I'd lived differently and made better choices, I definitely COULD'VE stayed home with my kids. Three, if I started living differently immediately, in 4 or 5 years I WOULD stay home with my kids. I have since then devoured many books, scoured lots of websites, and grilled other tightwads to learn the secrets of a frugal lifestyle.

Step 3. Analyze Your Financial Situation

This was the most difficult step for me. In fact, it was more than a full YEAR before I graduated from Step 2 to Step 3. I didn't want to know how deep a hole we'd really dug. I didn't want to know exactly how many more months I'd be working to pay off our debt. It was easier to live with the fantasy that we could just continue stumbling blindly along and someday soon I'd be able to quit my boring job, stay home with my kids, and pursue a writing career.

It was a small financial crisis that finally pushed us over the edge. They say that pain is a good thing as it often motivates us to action. We certainly found that to be true. When we put our financial situation on paper, compared our net monthly income to our monthly debt payments, utility bills, groceries and gas, it turned out to be just as frightening as we'd imagined. Worse, in fact. And we had zero savings. We realized we were one blown head gasket, one layoff, one unexpected medical expense, away from financial ruin. Yep, it was pretty scary.

Step 4. Understand Your Money Motivations

After taking a good hard look at the mess we'd created, I asked myself how on earth we'd managed to get there. Budget was a dirty word in our home because we didn't want to face the fact we were regularly living beyond our means. We had lived from want to want, instant gratification our creed. For birthdays and holidays, we bought gifts for our family and friends that we couldn't afford. When the checkbook said "No," Visa always said, "Yes!". After all, "Its everywhere you want to be," right? We thought we were being generous, we thought we were living life to the fullest, but we were really being foolish and irresponsible with our children's future.

Step 5. Accept Your Situation

Once we'd realized where we were and what we'd been doing wrong, we had to accept the cold hard reality of our predicament. I so badly wanted to ditch my job, but my husband's income wasn't changing and our debt wasn't miraculously disappearing. I had to accept that I'd have to pay the piper and continue to work. We also realized that unless we started living within our means NOW, we were headed for bankruptcy. If we continued to spend more than we earned, we'd lose our house, our credit, and our dignity.

Step 6. Change Your Attitude

At this point, we had a choice. We could wallow in self pity, be horribly jealous of our friends with higher incomes, and feel deprived and miserable. OR, we could rejoice in the fact that we'd FINALLY taken control of our situation, had truly learned from our mistakes, and had the glorious opportunity to mold our children's attitudes about money. Frugality became a challenge rather than a punishment, our salvation rather than our deprivation. Our new way of thinking and living was exciting and fresh.

Step 7. Set A Goal

It would be easy to simply set a goal to "save money" or "get out of debt", but vague goals are nearly impossible to achieve. How can you measure your progress with no definite end in sight? After spending some quality time with our bank statements, grocery receipts, and monthly bills, we set up a realistic budget and discovered we could squirrel away $150 per month. In 3 months, we'd have enough to pay off one small credit card and our overdraft account. We'd dedicate the rest of the year to building an emergency fund of $2000. After that, one of our cars would be paid off, leaving a surplus of $225 per month which we'd add to our other car payment, which would knock several YEARS off of that loan (not to mention a pile of interest payments). We outlined a specific financial plan for the next five years. It seemed so much more realistic and possible once it was laid out clearly! In five years, we could pay off everything but our mortgage, have nearly $800 per month in surplus cash, I could leave my job and start working on baby number three. Things may work out just that way, or things may change. Regardless, there will be a plan in place so that we have a positive, attainable goal to work towards.

Step 8. Convert Your Family

Lucky for me, this was an easy Step. My children are 10 months old and 2 years old, so they don't have many demands or expectations. My hope is that we can instill our values as they grow and our frugal lifestyle will become second nature. We'll deal with peer pressure and social ideals when they arise.

My husband and I have very similar spending habits and attitudes about money, which has been both a blessing and a curse. We rarely argue about money, but we never curbed each other's bad habits either. Since both of us came to terms with our situation together, we have the same goal of being debt-free and financially secure. We now act as our own little frugal cheering squad. He pats me on the back for finding a great deal on ground beef and I congratulate his handy work when he fixes the oil leak on our car.

Step 9. Make A Plan

Once we had clearly defined goals, had convinced ourselves we could do it, and had a positive attitude, we developed a workable plan. We made a budget and brainstormed ways to make every dollar count. We analyzed our spending from every angle. We read books on saving at the grocery store and found articles about saving energy and conserving water. We decided we'd pay our savings account before paying a single bill. We knew our weakness wasn't big purchases, but "nickel and dime" spending that added up over the course of a month. We made a pact to discuss every single purchase over $1 that wasn't in our strictly defined budget. It may sound radical, but we knew where our shortcomings were (yours may be entirely different) and we needed to be accountable to each other on a daily basis in order to make our plan work.

Step 10. Put Your Plan Into Action

This Step was so exhilarating! The first time I bought groceries for an entire week and spent UNDER $50 was incredible to me! The night we sat down to review our first frugal month and discovered we'd met most of our goals and actually exceeded a few was fantastic. For once, we didn't dread going to the mailbox.

Step 11. Plug Any Holes

After a few months, we became experts at spotting money leaks. Oil change costing a fortune? Borrow a book from the library and learn to do it yourself! I learned more and more about scratch cooking, ways to satisfy my urge to splurge (libraries are GREAT for this..new stuff to take home for FREE!), and frugal fun activities for our family. We became creative in shaving more off of our bills, shopped around for better insurance rates, examined our tax withholding, and researched refinancing our higher interest rate debts.

Step 12. Celebrate Your Progress

As I've said, the peace of mind and feeling of self control is worth every second of work put into the project of thrifty living. We reward ourselves by finding creative ways to enjoy life. Instead of buying shakes at McDonald's, I make smoothies from fresh fruit (tastes better and healthier, too!). Rather than going to a movie, we have a pot luck Bar-B-Que with friends. We make plans for the future that we know we'll be able to afford. Celebrating our success is what keeps us motivated.

Does this story have a happy ending? I'll let you know in about 50 years. But for now, I feel like I've finally grown up. I'm no longer a slave to my own wants, our family finally has very attainable financial goals, and we have a workable plan to get us there. I'm confident that we can and will provide a solid foundation for our children and that we'll create a secure home for them to grow up in. Sometimes the steps are small and the progress is slow (I'll still be working part time for a quite awhile), but we're writing our own success story..one paragraph at a time.